I used to think that being an engineer was a good thing. It would get me places. It would get me things. It would get me respect. It would get me an interesting life. It would work for me, if I worked for it.During a discussion on advancement with a mid-level manager, I was told that I needed "to learn to make being a woman work for you." I didn't ask him what he meant by that. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard.In white collar work, what does gender have to do with getting the job done?I inquired of some of my male colleagues what they thought was meant by that. It was sex. That was my guess, too.Why is it that my education and work history are not working for me? Why doesn't being an engineer work for women? Why does something extra have to be given? Would he have said that to a man? Would he have said to a man, "You need to learn how to make being a man work for you."? I suspect he would have been left knocked out on the floor, in that situation.Regardless, this was the capstone event that made me start preparing to leave the company and possibly leave engineering completely.
What should work for me? Being an engineer. It should work
Last year I attended an event for small cap companies to network and look for business.
I handed one CEO my business card and began explaining what I can do. He looked at my card then looked at me and laughingly said, "You can't possibly be the engineer." I assured him I am an engineer and the only engineer in my company. He looked at me again but began talking to someone else and walked off. I was left wondering what had just occurred.
It was the brushoff. Dismissed again as being capable of higher level thinking.
It was a dismissive attitude clothed in a $1000 suit and $300 shoes. It looks no different than Fire Retardant Clothing and steel-toed shoes on an $18/hr. maintenance man.
In the last year, I've contacted a lot of companies to find business. It's been an interesting journey. I had hoped, naively, that much of the discrimination I experienced as a direct employee would be over.
I've heard countless times from men that I am "simply" a front for a male owned company who will "really" be doing the work. If I am not a front, I will be according to them.
I know another female engineer running her own company. She's experienced some of that, too, and she ignores it just as I have. Her comment regarding her experiences and being a DBE, "You still have to be able to do the job. So in the end, it doesn't matter."
Larger engineering firms sub work to smaller engineering firms for a lot of reasons. It happens for some surprising reasons, such as risk avoidance. I've worked with engineers who refused difficult projects. For some men, it's OK for a male owned company or a NYSE firm to sub work to another male owned company but women or other minorities should not be allowed to participate.
It's intriguing that some don't understand how business works. Often work is subcontracted to whatever company can or will take it on. Often work continues getting pushed down to some very small companies doing the work.
I think the deeper issue working in men who don't want women in the sandbox is fear. Fear that they can't compete. Fear they'll lose ground. Fear of a stacked deck that they didn't stack.
I've battled those same fears in various situations. It's an ugly, base, raw emotion to deal with. Ultimately, I try to recall that God is not running a zero sum game, which is obvious in view of history. God will take care of me just as He will take care of others. He has a place for me, which I should not fear.
This is me not my sister. She wants nothing of her on the web, which is probably smart. I've told her often she is the smartest of us.
I took this pic after a run on a bitterly cold February night in 2011. I wish my cheeks had been rosier because it was about 19 deg. F outside. My sister wouldn't be caught dead running in that temp either.
When I looked at it, I did a double-take because it resembles my sister so much. I never realized until this pic that we looked so much alike. I knew we couldn't deny one another as sisters but I didn't realize that we could be twins, almost.
Her hair is straight and darker while mine is wavy to curly and brown. With my hair covered, we're almost identical. It's uncanny!
Today is Mother's Day and I miss her terribly. Her life was hard but she didn't let it get her down. She remained a pleasant woman and devoted mother. She remained focused on her responsibilities and was a solid rock for us.
I miss her wisdom and her laughter. She could sum things up so quickly and with so few words her Pearls of Wisdom made an impression on my young mind. We shared some deep belly laughs, too. She was a sweetie pie!
For years after her death, I missed her voice, laughter, and the smell of her. Needless to say, I missed her cooking, too. She was a great cook. She loved variety in food and ensured we tried everything before she allowed us to turn up our noses at anything. Thanks to Momma there aren't many things I dislike.
I lost Momma the year I turned 40. That was a tough year for a lot of reasons none of which were age. My personal life was difficult, my work life was hard, I was working on my master's in engineering, and she was very ill. I was far from her and couldn't easily get to her to help. Once we knew the true extent of her illness, my sister carried the brunt of the load.
My sister told me repeatedly to not resign from my job to move home. While I appreciated her position, it was still upsetting to be so far from Mother because she was so ill. She was my rock thus the most important parent in my life. She had been my only parent, indeed.
I turned 40 December 2nd and Mother passed away December 31st. Five days earlier we lost her middle sister, who was also a sweetheart, to cancer. That December was the toughest ever.
As tough as the last few weeks were for Momma, she never lost faith in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. That was one of many aspects of life from which she never wavered. It gives one pause to think because of the suffering she endured in this life. It encourages me today.
Although I know I'll see her in Heaven again, I still miss her in this life.
Lunch today:- baked chicken (whole chicken w/ skin on)
- raw carrot
- baked acorn squash with cinnamon, butter, and Steen's syrup
- sweet potato with cinnamon and butter
- raw broccoli
Steen's pure cane syrup is the best, to me. It's a Louisiana syrup and has a wonderful flavor. It's a strong flavor so beware, if you have exceptionally weak taste buds. It's great with peanut butter and a number of other things. When I used to eat pecan pie, I would use a little Steen's sometimes.http://www.steensyrup.com/Give Steen's a try. You might like it.
In one plant, I had a few problem maintenance men not working with me. For some reason, they thought I had trouble understanding how switches work as well as other things. Their maintenance foreman finally learned differently and his attitude changed.
As I discussed these men with my supervisor one time, he told me I had three problems:
- You are female
- You are smart
- You are educated
"Those things make people not like you," he explained. "And, you're getting more education, which people don't like about you!"
There were really four things the men didn't like about me. Those are supposed to be positive attributes in humanity.
That was hard to hear and digest but I handled it. There isn't anything I can do to change any of those things. I could have stopped the master's program. That wasn't even a consideration in my mind. It was a goal and I was going to achieve it.
There were male engineers in that plant who were working on MBAs. Why would I be viewed any differently than them?
Whoever those men were, they weren't worth worrying about. They would either figure it out or die jealous, bitter, and resentful. It was their choice. I continued to be nice and professional.
During my exit interview, the same manager blurted, "I'll never hire another good looking, female engineer! It causes too much disruption on the factory floor!"
I was stunned by those statements. I had replaced a good looking, female engineer! Never had I detected any disruptions because of my looks. I don't consider myself that good looking either. We had a contractor in often who caused some minor delays with work because she was beautiful. Me, not so much.
Why are looks a reason to negatively bias a qualified candidate?
There is a lot more to this plant than met the naked eye. I think a number of the men were struggling with women period.
One young, male engineer I worked with was creepy. Deliberately creepy, I think. He was about ten years younger than me but a male chauvinist.
He would routinely walk up to me on the factory floor and say, "The Good Ol' Boys Network is alive and well. And, you'll never be a member because, well, look at you, (long pause) you're a woman." During that pause his eyes would slowly travel down my body then back up. He would stare into my eyes a few more seconds then walk off.
Other times he would tell me, "You think you're part of the Good Ol' Boys Club but you're not and never will be. You're a woman." Sometimes he would hurriedly walk by stating, "You'll never be part of the Club." Those statements were not accompanied by the full body scan. He would make his statements and walk off. Occasionally he would ask my thoughts. Generally I'd just look at him in silence.
I couldn't imagine why he would ever say those things to a fellow engineer regardless of gender. I haven't made those statements to anyone. Besides, I'll never have to worry about the boardroom and I've known that all of my life.
At lunch, this guy routinely discussed going to men's clubs because he felt a certain power being surrounded by naked women. I thought it revealed an insecurity in him but I'm no expert on men and certainly no psychologist.
I heard these things so often it was sad. I thought he was trying to intimidate me, make me feel ostracized, produce insecurities about my job, belittle me for being female, make me feel condescended, demean me, etc.
Naively I had no idea what I was up against. He didn't succeed because he was not sufficiently important enough at the time to make a difference in my mind. However, he does illustrate that negative discrimination against women in the workplace is not limited to my father's and grandfather's generations.
Negative discrimination against women doesn't know boundaries. It just knows discrimination to disadvantage women for various reasons.
"Ya' can't hit on the female operators." I said this often to one foreman. Boy howdy, he was persistent. He hit on me so many times I lost count.
I warned him often of his flirtatious ways and their dangers. He never thought he'd get in trouble. Besides, men will be men and women will be women and everyone understands.
He was so relentless, I asked the female operators about him quickly and they understood him and left him to his ways. They believed he was a good man in spite of his flirtations. He never forced the situation.
He was in a bad marriage and didn't want to divorce because of the children. That was admirable, since so many dads don't fulfill their responsibilities.
He was a good performer and had drive to do a good job. Production ran better under his supervision. He didn't mind telling people how to do their jobs and expectations of them in a non-threatening, 'matter of fact' way.
I liked him in spite of his problem. He had hobbies, seemed happy overall, was good to work with, knew his job, and was willing to help others at work. He never showed up late, left early, called in sick to get a day off, or slouched on the job.
Ultimately, he hit on the wrong female hourly worker in the last plant and she turned him in to management. He was fired. I don't know the details of this situation but I do know mine.
I transferred to another plant and was free from his advances. What a relief to leave those behind! Some months later, he transferred to the same plant and began his pursuit anew.
We had a civil discussion about his ways. He was going to persist. Consequently, I emphatically told him to stop and he stopped. He slipped occasionally but it was infrequent enough to handle. At times, it was a laughing matter and other times it felt awkward.
It was a relief to not be pestered further in that way. It wears on your nerves and you tire of addressing the same issue. It distracts you from your job.
I warned him that one day he was going to hit on the wrong woman in this new plant, who would not be forgiving or understanding. The union was much stronger in that plant and the people were different. She wouldn't give two cents about his home life or that he was the only breadwinner. He believed he would be OK because women understand how men are.
Women do understand men. Unfortunately, he didn't understand women. Unlike the dictionary men have to understand women, 'no' does mean 'no' and not maybe or perhaps for quite a few us. Some of us don't tolerate games at all.
Much has been made of why women leave engineering. I've read articles about it over the years. I've listened to other women in engineering. I've listened to older women in engineering. I've listened to men in engineering. I've done a lot of listening. I have my own stories.
A lot of emphasis has been placed on attracting young girls to STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) to boost university enrollments with women. It seems "they" want women in STEM, whoever "they" are. I suppose that effort has its place and will succeed to some degree.
I don't think it will be a problem to attract young women to STEM. The careers are interesting and can be made to sound so exciting the possibilities will be irresistible.
I do think it will be a problem to retain women in engineering. It seems women leave E more than STM.
Some women will say it's because the men are jerks. While men can be jerks, I think the problem is rooted in something much deeper and more disturbing to men than just being a jerk.
The slang meaning of jerk applied to humanity is: ignorant, stupid, and worthless. I believe those are mutually exclusive to anyone holding an engineering degree.
No, I think the problem is rooted in something much more disturbing and difficult to change than being a jerk.
You'll have to decide for yourself.
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