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What Should Work for Me?

5/19/2012

I used to think that being an engineer was a good thing. It would get me places. It would get me things. It would get me respect. It would get me an interesting life. It would work for me, if I worked for it.

During a discussion on advancement with a mid-level manager, I was told that I needed "to learn to make being a woman work for you." I didn't ask him what he meant by that. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard.

In white collar work, what does gender have to do with getting the job done?

I inquired of some of my male colleagues what they thought was meant by that. It was sex. That was my guess, too.

Why is it that my education and work history are not working for me? Why doesn't being an engineer work for women? Why does something extra have to be given? Would he have said that to a man? Would he have said to a man, "You need to learn how to make being a man work for you."? I suspect he would have been left knocked out on the floor, in that situation.

Regardless, this was the capstone event that made me start preparing to leave the company and possibly leave engineering completely.

What should work for me? Being an engineer. It should work for all women choosing that profession.

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I Am the Engineer

5/19/2012

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Last year I attended an event for small cap companies to network and look for business.

I handed one CEO my business card and began explaining what I can do. He looked at my card then looked at me and laughingly said, "You can't possibly be the engineer." I assured him I am an engineer and the only engineer in my company. He looked at me again but began talking to someone else and walked off. I was left wondering what had just occurred.

It was the brushoff. Dismissed again as being capable of higher level thinking.

It was a dismissive attitude clothed in a $1000 suit and $300 shoes. It looks no different than Fire Retardant Clothing and steel-toed shoes on an $18/hr. maintenance man.

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You Are Just A Front

5/19/2012

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In the last year, I've contacted a lot of companies to find business. It's been an interesting journey. I had hoped, naively, that much of the discrimination I experienced as a direct employee would be over.

I've heard countless times from men that I am "simply" a front for a male owned company who will "really" be doing the work. If I am not a front, I will be according to them.

I know another female engineer running her own company. She's experienced some of that, too, and she ignores it just as I have. Her comment regarding her experiences and being a DBE, "You still have to be able to do the job. So in the end, it doesn't matter."

Larger engineering firms sub work to smaller engineering firms for a lot of reasons. It happens for some surprising reasons, such as risk avoidance. I've worked with engineers who refused difficult projects. For some men, it's OK for a male owned company or a NYSE firm to sub work to another male owned company but women or other minorities should not be allowed to participate.

It's intriguing that some don't understand how business works. Often work is subcontracted to whatever company can or will take it on. Often work continues getting pushed down to some very small companies doing the work.

I think the deeper issue working in men who don't want women in the sandbox is fear. Fear that they can't compete. Fear they'll lose ground. Fear of a stacked deck that they didn't stack.

I've battled those same fears in various situations. It's an ugly, base, raw emotion to deal with. Ultimately, I try to recall that God is not running a zero sum game, which is obvious in view of history. God will take care of me just as He will take care of others. He has a place for me, which I should not fear.

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My "Twin" Sister

5/13/2012

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This is me not my sister. She wants nothing of her on the web, which is probably smart. I've told her often she is the smartest of us.

I took this pic after a run on a bitterly cold February night in 2011. I wish my cheeks had been rosier because it was about 19 deg. F outside. My sister wouldn't be caught dead running in that temp either.

When I looked at it, I did a double-take because it resembles my sister so much. I never realized until this pic that we looked so much alike. I knew we couldn't deny one another as sisters but I didn't realize that we could be twins, almost.

Her hair is straight and darker while mine is wavy to curly and brown. With my hair covered, we're almost identical. It's uncanny!

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I Miss Mother Today

5/13/2012

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Today is Mother's Day and I miss her terribly. Her life was hard but she didn't let it get her down. She remained a pleasant woman and devoted mother. She remained focused on her responsibilities and was a solid rock for us.

I miss her wisdom and her laughter. She could sum things up so quickly and with so few words her Pearls of Wisdom made an impression on my young mind. We shared some deep belly laughs, too. She was a sweetie pie!

For years after her death, I missed her voice, laughter, and the smell of her. Needless to say, I missed her cooking, too. She was a great cook. She loved variety in food and ensured we tried everything before she allowed us to turn up our noses at anything. Thanks to Momma there aren't many things I dislike.

I lost Momma the year I turned 40. That was a tough year for a lot of reasons none of which were age. My personal life was difficult, my work life was hard, I was working on my master's in engineering, and she was very ill. I was far from her and couldn't easily get to her to help. Once we knew the true extent of her illness, my sister carried the brunt of the load.

My sister told me repeatedly to not resign from my job to move home. While I appreciated her position, it was still upsetting to be so far from Mother because she was so ill. She was my rock thus the most important parent in my life. She had been my only parent, indeed.

I turned 40 December 2nd and Mother passed away December 31st. Five days earlier we lost her middle sister, who was also a sweetheart, to cancer. That December was the toughest ever.

As tough as the last few weeks were for Momma, she never lost faith in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. That was one of many aspects of life from which she never wavered. It gives one pause to think because of the suffering she endured in this life. It encourages me today.

Although I know I'll see her in Heaven again, I still miss her in this life.

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A Typical Lunch

5/12/2012

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Lunch today:

baked chicken (whole chicken w/ skin on)
raw carrot
baked acorn squash with cinnamon, butter, and Steen's syrup
sweet potato with cinnamon and butter
raw broccoli

Steen's pure cane syrup is the best, to me. It's a Louisiana syrup and has a wonderful flavor. It's a strong flavor so beware, if you have exceptionally weak taste buds. It's great with peanut butter and a number of other things. When I used to eat pecan pie, I would use a little Steen's sometimes.

http://www.steensyrup.com/

Give Steen's a try. You might like it.

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What Should Work for Me?

I Am the Engineer

You Are Just A Front

My "Twin" Sister

I Miss Mother Today

A Typical Lunch

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