A lot has been said in the last week about the Aurora shootings. My emotions have swung some because of it and people discussing the shootings.
There is no making sense out of something like that. I cannot. After George Sodini did what he did, I contacted a few medical professionals to learn more but they never returned any communication. I don't think they have answers. Who can but God?
I have not been angry but I have been sad this week. Sad that we make our problems others' problems. Everyone does it to some degree. The young Holmes is an extreme example of that.
Sadness arises because of the pain Holmes has caused so many including his parents. Sadness because we live in such a broken world and Jesus Christ is the answer but He is routinely rejected.
The victims and their families need continued prayer. James Holmes and his parents need continued prayer. Everyone involved has been affected and will be affected by this for the rest of their time on earth.
A young man, Pierce O'Farrill, did an interview about the incident. He was wounded twice in the shootings. He has forgiven Jim Holmes because he is a follower of Jesus Christ. He also understands the pain that Holmes must have lived with to cause him to do such a thing. Only God can touch lives like that.
It's refreshing to hear O'Farrill state he has forgiven Holmes. Rather than anger over Holmes's actions, gun rights being threatened, etc., he has forgiveness on his mind.
We can all learn a lesson from O'Farrill and practice what Jesus Christ tells us to practice. Hopefully O'Farrill will have an opportunity to talk with Holmes about The Word.
My dad abandoned us in 1966 in Abilene, TX. That produced a lot of changes for us. The way he left my mother made it very difficult for her to remain afloat. Thank God for her sisters and brothers-in-law.
My dad tried once to reconcile with Mother. She was not interested. I didn't see or hear from him again. Occasionally his parents would "drop by" from Dallas, TX for a visit. Invariably insults about Mother or Grandma would arise. Grandma was a spitfire in their presence. She had good reason to be. Otherwise, she was pretty docile and fun loving.
When I entered the first grade that year, The Quillin's sued Mother for custody of us. They made claims about how unkept we were, running footloose through the countryside, unfed, dirty clothes, not being properly educated, etc.
Once they made Grandma so mad, she told them to get off her front porch and leave. They refused. She threatened to get her shot gun after them. She didn't have one but they didn't know that so they left. We were on the porch, too, standing behind Grandma. Grandma was my hero. She stood up for us!
I didn't understand it all. Still don't. I understood then they were trying to take me from my mother. That instilled a great deal of fear, anxiety, dismay, sadness, etc. in me. Mother was my safety blanket.
Sometime in 1967 the court ruled against The Quillin's. My dad didn't want us but his parents sure did. They thought they could raise us better than Momma. They could have looked at their own son and realized the lie they told themselves.
When they failed, they again sued Mother for custody but only for my older brother and me not my older sister. We looked like The Quillin's.
I understood then they were trying to take me not only from my mother but my sister, too. Again, I was terrified because not only was I a Momma's Girl, I was a Sister's Girl, too.
Sometime during the winter of my 2nd grade year, The Quillin's lost once and for all. It was such a relief to me I found my 1st grade teacher making her rounds during recess to tell her the good news. She had been involved somehow in the case as my 1st grade teacher. I told her I was not going to be taken away from my mother or my sister. I was going to stay right where I was. What a relief! I was happy about that and the stress was gone.
I didn't understand then why The Quillin's disliked Mother so much. I don't today. Mother was a sweetie pie.
The explanation given during that horrible time and every time after it was brought up was, "They did it all in the name of the church." It was all done "because of the church" or "all that because of the church" or some variation of that theme.
Grandfather and Grandmother Quillin attended a Church of Christ in East Dallas called Mt. Auburn. At that time, the Church of Christ believed and taught that only they were going to Heaven. Further, out of all the Church of Christ, Mt. Auburn people were the only ones going to Heaven.
They must have believed themselves to truly be an elite group of folks and The Quillin's were part of it. Mother, being Southern Baptist, must have been a real disappointment and such a pitiful soul to them.
That caused a great deal of confusion and distrust in me about religion and the church. I understood Mother's church and beliefs were different. Yet, some churches taught stuff that ultimately harmed kids and were to be distrusted and viewed with a very skeptical eye.
I have a distrust of religion but I trust my Lord Jesus Christ.
Disclaimer: I have been told the Church of Christ has changed and is not the church of my grandparents.
Back in the day, when diversity was just heating up, I was the only female engineer in the department. One would think that would open doors to me on an Engineering Council for Diversity. Bah! You would have to think, wouldn't you?
The diversity council was comprised of all men from the department. There was no room for me. I asked.
One of the men resigned from the company, which left an opening on the diversity council. I asked to be put on it as the only woman in the department in engineering. It seemed a proper course of action. Again, I was denied. Another man was put on the council. A firm statement of they had who they needed on it was issued and there was no room for me.
I didn't understand his decision but this manager was a few levels above me so it didn't seem fitting to inquire further. After all, I was just a token.
Perhaps there was a good and valid reason for me to be shut out. Maybe they needed to decide what kind of underpants are best. I prefer Jockey sport for the breathable mesh and secure H-fly support.
Aunt Grace is my great-aunt through my Grandmother Quillin. I never thought about the age difference. She was born in the early 1900's. She never appeared that much older to me. She was engaged and knew current events. She was intelligent, too, and full of wisdom.
Aunt Grace was a real sweetheart and would often love on me, when I was a kid. Her two kids, David and Rosalind, would, too.
Since we had minimal contact with Mother's family prior to my parent's divorce, about the only people I knew were Grandmother Quillin's family. David and Rosalind were always the best in the few pages of my life's book. They were beautiful, fun, happy, and always made me feel special with their attention.
Aunt Grace's health was always fragile but she still had an inner strength that must have come from the Lord. She was bedridden the last few years of her life. My last memory of her is very sweet. She loved me quite a bit.
Aunt Grace would often put a scripture in her correspondence with David and Rosalind. Rosalind said that scripture over me today. What a heritage! A little family history was passed down today!
24 "The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you
And give you peace.
I am blessed to have cousins who love me as they do.
I've been called a token so often I lost count. It always bothered me to hear that word applied to me. I never analyzed why until recently.
The explanation that usually followed that label was "the department always has one female engineer never more. The department always has a least one token."
They often said they didn't exactly view me as a token because I was doing real engineering work. The other women read romance novels, knitted, crocheted, etc.
They also viewed me as very smart and the master's in engineering was proof. That only indicates a good work ethic and drive. I do believe they respect my abilities.
I never discouraged their expressions but the secretary did. She got angrier than me about it. She would chastise me often for not taking a stronger stand. They had a right to say it, in my opinion. Free speech.
Most of the time, it wouldn't make a dent in my thinking. Other times, it did. Those times feelings of inferiority to and less than the men would creep into my mind. I felt defective at times because I couldn't be accepted as an engineer like the others. I would wonder what the requirements were to simply be an engineer equal to the men. What would be enough?
The times it didn't bother me I knew I wasn't defective or inferior. I knew I was doing a good job and that good things were going to come from my efforts. I was confident I was their equal as an engineer.
The guys I worked with in that department are great guys. I love them and stay in touch occasionally because of our years together. I don't think they meant any harm. They made a valid observation about the department.
Their comments put a period behind the general attitude towards women in engineering in that department, if not the corporation. That is my recent conclusion due to thinking things through.
I would post pix but there isn't much to see now. Most of the bruising is gone and just a few knots remain on my head and hip. Thank God the damage wasn't worse.
The pain was never great enough for more than just OTC relievers and sleep. This week the open wounds seem to have closed and stopped oozing anything, which makes it easier to wear clothing. Oh happy day!
With the concussion, headaches and nausea were constant companions the few three days or so. A new experience was mental fatigue, exhaustion may be more like it, which forced naps.
My helmet cracked almost straight across and had a little crushed area on the inside. So, that's the fourth trashed helmet in about 32 years. Not too bad.
The whole experience gives me new understanding of head injuries. The other stuff I've had before mental fatigue like that was a new experience.
I have spent years in the bowels of manufacturing plants helping to bring numerous products to market that touch virtually every aspect of life.
|Pamela Quillin, P.E.||